Its Been A While - I Know

Yes - it has been some time since i have written an update.  I'm happy to say that i have been fine.  Here and there i definitely still experience sadness and wonder if it was a boy or girl, i actually would not want to know for sure, but i wonder.  I wonder how big i would be now.  I hung up my maternity clothes last weekend - even the ones I had when i was pregnant with Josiah - they are all hanging up in my closet to the far left side.  They are in view - my hope is that I will be wearing them in the spring :).

What am i up to now?  Trying to loose weight. We are all friends here - right, and i've never been one to be sensitive about telling people how much i weigh.  I was looking at Josiah's baby book and the records kept when i was going for my regular visits during the pregnancy.  On my first visit I weighed 160.  I presently weigh 185 - you do the math.  If i keep this trend up - well, you can do that math also.  I started going to the gym at our complex last week - please pray that i continue.  Also pray that i would make wise food choices - this is the big thing since i don't have "a  sweet tooth"  i have a "a whole set of sweet teeth" :).

Love Yall and I plan to post some new recipes i'm going to try this week so stop back by :)

Birthday in Review and Fall decor pictures

Yesterday  (my bday) was great! The morning started with Josiah and i laying in the bed singing songs at his request - ABC song, itsy bitsy spider and patty cake - good sweet times. I spent the morning at MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) - its a mom's group that meets every other Tuesday for all the moms involved and have playdates in our small groups on the off Tuesdays.  Yesterday was the large group and we had a speaker on couponing - which was good cause i need a kick in the pants to get back on that.  Anyhoo, while there my sweet friend Melissa gave me a bday card.

Afterwards i took Josiah home and Moe was waiting for me with a birthday gift - a lovely fall plate that you will see in a pic below and a gift card to my favorite local coffee shop (seriously- they make the coffee to order using a pour over technique plus they have some seriously good waffles - amazing) so i was super happy about that.  The man knows what his woman likes :).

I then left cause my sweet friend Lauren made me lunch.  It was some seriously good chicken salad.  She also hand painted - yes people - hand painted a picture frame with a scripture verse. Yep, i cried.

After that I came home and spent some time with my guys, did some crafts (including the wreath in the pic below) and we had (by my request) pizza hut pan pizza - a childhood fav - and ate my little wop-sided cake pic below.  Moe ended the night with a bang by giving me a certificate that had 33 reasons why he loves and likes me - the man hit a home run - i mean knocked it out of the park :).

In between all these activities i talked with all my brothers and sisters, dear friends, got texts, a supreme amount of facebook shot outs, and a phone call from my Mom at the time i was born and she sang "you r my sunshine" and "have i told u lately that i love you".  Am i wealthy or what!

Josiah with our first ever pumpkin and fall mums we got from the farmers market on Saturday

The fall wreath i made yesterday. I bought the twig wreath from Michael's and just stuck the waxed leaves i already had in the wreath - super easy.  You can also buy leaves like this at a craft store.  Stay tuned - i may stick a turkey in it for Nov - then take the leaves out and put berries around it for Christmas - Oh the possibilities :).

Our Fall door all put together - i like it.  Its my first time doing one.

Last but not least my bday cake - strawberry with strawberry cream cheese icing.  I made a small one  for us and used the rest of the batter for cupcakes for my women's small group and a girl at church whose bday is Thursday.  This was a great idea for our fam cause we would never eat awhole cake on our own (or shouldn't :)) - an opp to share the cake love.
Oh, check our the platter with the candle on it that Moe got me for my bday!

The great thing about my bday is that its all month - friends and family will be mailing cards and gifts out all month - and even next. - Gotta love it!  Thanks Yall

Its My Birthday!

Yep today i turned 33 - yay!  It was such a good day - going to blog about it tomorrow with pictures :).  Tonight I want to celebrate and confess:  celebrate that this weekend i did get out of the house and go to the farmers market and get a pumpkin and flowers.  I also made my birthday cake - strawberry - super yummy (pictures of both to come).  But i have to confess that i have not put away my maternity clothes.  I'm not sure why.  Some of them i'm wondering if i want to take back to the store because they are cold weather maternity clothes and I don't know what God's will is for when we will have another baby.  On the other hand this could be me stalling or procrastinating. In Process.

Saturday Morning Ramblings

Its early Saturday morning and im strangely feeling a tad bit nauseated.  I'm not sure if the preg hormones are still at work or if its the medication i'm taking to help prevent infection after the procedure. Oh by the way - i've been calling it "the procedure" but its called a D&C which stands for dilation and curettage (google it :).
I've decided that today is the day to put away my maternity clothes - this does not mean we will not try again but it will be a minute so pray for me in that.

 I'm looking forward to the rest of the day - we are going to the farmers market with some friends and i plan to get a pumpkin - we never get a pumpkin - but i'm super excited. It will be good to get out the house. I'm also thinking i'm going to make my birthday cake - i always do - its kinda like my birthday tradition but even before the miscarriage I really wasn't in the mood. But i think i am today.

BTW - my birthday is Tuesday and i will be 33!  Hey family if you happen to be reading this post and you are maybe wondering what to get me (wink wink) Target gift cards will do just fine - I'm saving up for a big purchase that begins with an "I" and ends with a "pad" :).  Why Target - long story.

Anyhoo, it feels good to make jokes and laugh even in a post on this blog - i hope you are smiling with me.  Another reason to smile this morn - As i write this post my lil dude is playing with his train set and he is talking up a storm - i have no idea what the boy is saying cause all the words don't come out in complete sentences or thoughts but it still makes me smile.

Well, guess i should go - the nausea is getting worse - so should probably lay down.  Continue to pray that i keep smiling (and crying when need to). Hope to post pics of our day out and the bday cake if it happens :).

Love yall to pieces

The Morning After

Rejoice always,

 pray without ceasing, 

give thanks in all circumstances; 

for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 

1 Thes 5:16-18

I read this passage the night before the procedure and I was so grateful the Lord led me to it.  Now, i'm not saying that i've been consistently doing all these but it was helpful to know what God's will was for me during this time as i was seeking His specific will and direction about whether or not to have the procedure.

Give thanks in all circumstances is what stood out to me.  I have soooooo much to be thankful for even in the mist of grieving.  I frequently thank God for how wealthy He has made me I am rich with family, friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, my God-fearing husband, 2 year old son, and during this time their value was reconfirmed (no that it needed to be). People who were dedicated to pray, to keep Josiah, to lure me out of the house to get some sunshine, to bring us food, to let me process over the phone, to keep calling and texting even if i didn't answer or respond, who shared their stories of loss with me, who answered their phone at the crack of dawn or late at night., and the people who just made themselves available - i'm just grateful.

Is my heart still sad? - heck yeah
Am i still in process? - for sure

But this morning after, as i lay on the couch writing this post and in the background hear my sweet boy sing as his Dad gets him dressed. As he comes up in between me writing  these two sentences and says "looka mommy" (at his outfit) my heart gives thanks - for this is the will of God.

Tomorrow

I have avoided this post.  I don't have many words - just tears that i've been holding back all day.  God knows best.  I will prayerfully arrive at the hospital in the morning by 8am and the procedure will begin at 10.  Prayers are desperately needed. Love yall

Trusting God

Hard -that was my day in one word.  I cried a lot and didn't want to talk much about it.  Why? Wednesday is almost here and i am dreading having the procedure done.  My hope was that the miscarriage would pass and I wouldn't have to go but its Monday night and still nothing not even spotting.  I said from the jump that i wanted to trust God with this - that He knows what i need and what i can handle emotionally.  Pray that i continue to trust God.  Also, the weather is changing so i feel like i could be coming down with something.:(

Song on My Heart

The song "Blessed be Your Name" is one of the songs that has been on my heart since we found out we lost the baby.  This is the song I sing by faith even if I don't feel feel it.


Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name


Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name


Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name


Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name


Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name


Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, Blessed be your name

A Time To Mourn

  It is with great pain in our hearts that we write this post.  We hoped we would be writing to announce that we were pregnant after hearing the heartbeat on Wednesday but during the ultrasound they found no heartbeat and we were (with care) told that the baby had stopped growing around week 6 or 7 (this was a 9 wk appointment).

We are deeply sad yet definitely feeling God’s peace. My body has not recognized the miscarriage yet so we are praying that the process will happen this weekend.  If not, we have a scheduled appointment for Wednesday at 10am for a procedure.  We would like for it to happen on its own but we want to trust God’s sovereignty with what will be best for my body and our emotions.  Your prayers are truly appreciated during this time.

So what now?
Grieving.
Trusting God.
 Healing.

I plan to write everyday of this month whether it is 3 paragraphs or 2 sentences - the goal is to write something.  Here are some of the reasons:
1. I hope it will be an outlet for me and help in the healing process to write
2. It will let friends and family know how we're doing and what we are doing
3.  Give friends and family a place to write back or ask us questions

So thats the plan.  I will - especially the next few days - talk about how we are doing in regards to our loss but not every post will be about that.  I honestly couldn't take to write about it everyday.  Please pray for us as God brings us to mind.